ubiquitous fat

Hi. My name is Molly and I'm fat.

It may be hard for some to believe, but being fat is the least interesting thing about me. "Fat" is a physical descriptor like "red-hair" or "small hands" - both other uninteresting physical descriptors of me. I'm also smart, competent, funny, well-read, kind, attentive, clumsy and impatient.

Unlike all the other words that describe me, "fat" is the single descriptor that has defined the whole of my life.

Several years ago, I decided that I was bored and sad with how I felt about being fat so I decided to change - my outlook. I have been working on getting neutral about food, accepting the body I live in every day, letting go of language that kept me feeling bad about myself on the daily. I'm better than I was, but the struggle is still very real.

About 6 months ago I saw the documentary "Mile... Mile and a Half" about a group of friends who made the full trek of the John Muir Trail, which runs through the Sierra Mountains from Yosemite to Mt. Whitney. I found myself transfixed by the idea that I could spend a month in the woods and that my body would take me there.

In the fall of 2018, I will complete my 40th solar revolution. Since my early 20s I have been thinking about what I would do to mark what I consider my move into middle age. It was trips to India or Africa, cruises around the world, full back tattoos (I still haven't given up on that one). Now, within long-term planning distance, I have decided.

In August 2018 I will be thru-hiking the John Muir Trail, all 220+ miles of it. One month in the wilderness, parts will be done with the people that I love, but parts will be just me, alone with all my thoughts and the vast expanses of landscape around me.

I plan to do it as a fat person.

So, this blog is my own personal journal of all the parts leading up to my climb up the mountain. More than just preparation, I want to journal through how I prep and plan, where my head is at, how I can use this experience to be a better, more centered and authentic of my fat self.